#LOVEWINS
We’ve heard it a few times . . .when you’re not looking for it, it will find you.
Love is an interesting thing- we all want it, few of us find it and it never looks the way you imagined.
By the young age of 30, I was married, divorced and a single Mom. At the age of 44, I have spent most of my adult life single. My parents, however, were happily married for close to 50 years. Growing up, the love, friendship and commitment they modeled, was exactly what I wanted in my life.
Funny story – my Mom once said at the dinner table “Princess, you don’t have the best luck with men!” What’s crazy is that she was right! I couldn’t understand how I could be successful in almost every aspect of my life except for romance. I’m a kind person, ok looking, with a good career. I have a great kid, a home, dog and reliable transportation… what the heck? How come I can’t figure out this romantic relationship thing?
One cool part of my career is that I have the opportunity to travel and meet a lot of people every day. You would think the likelihood of meeting the love of my life would be high but . . .not so much! My friends encouraged me to go on dating sites and so I met some nice people and my fair share of characters. Then by the second coffee date, I would always find a box that this person didn’t check and it would be time to move on. Nice guy but not the guy for me.
It doesn’t happen to you; it happens for YOU!
September 4thholds a special place in my heart It was the day that I met my best friend. Ironically, a year later it would also be the day that I lost my Mom.
September 4th 2019, I remember pulling into one of our 15 Connecticut locations and as I got out of the car with my backpack, hot black Starbucks coffee, keys, wallet, sneakers and water, I noticed a tall good looking gentleman getting out of his Silver SUV. We both parked on the side of building where there were more vacant spaces then cars. Living up to my reputation of being a friendly and an outgoing “pillar of positivity”, I said, “hey have a great workout!” To my surprise, he turned around and said- “Thanks!”, followed by an exciting “Hey! I know you!”
He knew me from Facebook. Ah Facebook! He was one of my 5,000+ friends that I knew but didn’t know! We walked into the gym together and once he went to workout, I went into full “stalker mode” on Facebook. Did I know him? Did we have any mutual friends? Where does he live?
We ended up exchanging messages on Facebook and eventually decided to meet for coffee. Low and behold, my parking lot gym friend would become one of my best friends! At this time, our lives were defined by being single parents to our boys and by being … Busy! I was busy traveling with work but also busy working on myself; reading, connecting with God, cleaning up my lifestyle, and prioritizing what was important in my life. He was equally encumbered, and so we couldn’t seem to get on the same page to date. But, every time I needed parenting advice, home improvement help, tax questions answered, he was there! Every time I needed someone to make me laugh or a shoulder to cry on, he was my guy.
Check the box!
For many years, I had this checklist of boxes that I wanted, and felt needed, to be checked before stepping into a relationship. You see with a less than stellar track record of success in relationships, I figured that in order to increase my odds of finding happiness, a check list would help improve the likelihood of finding “the one!” of finding a happiness like my parents had.
I remember sitting down with my therapist one day and asking her… “Why can’t I figure this LOVE this thing out? What’s wrong with me? When am I going to find the LOVE that I want?”
She laughed, sat back in her chair and asked me to close my eyes, place my hand on my heart and take a few deep breaths. As I sat there wondering where the heck, she was going with this- my mind started to wander. I could hear her encouraging me to slow down, focus and breathe. She asked me to picture the LOVE that I wanted. More importantly, she asked how do I want to feel in my LOVE relationship.
I sat there breathing, finding alignment and visualizing the LOVE that I wanted to create. Calmly, I truly asked myself how I wanted to feel in my ideal relationship. Safe, secure, happy, joyous, active, inspired and challenged were some of the thoughts that came to mind. I was told to “Hold onto those feelings and visualize them every day” and so I did!
Every day I created space and time to visualize my relationship and conjure the feelings I was seeking. I mean for months I was imagining, reading, and honestly, just trying to listen. Joanne, my trusty guide [aka Therapist] reminded me that life is about living and not about checking boxes. It was then I realized those boxes I had to check off, well I had been stacking those boxes so high, they became a wall. A self-imposed blockade to what I truly wanted, to what I truly needed. What I thought was there to protect me, was preventing me from happiness. If I truely wanted the relationship I was visualizing, I would have to take that wall down. Ironically, once I took down what was holding me back, I could see even clearer. All the qualities and characteristics that I had been picturing, imagining and visualizing for the past year, well they were right in front of me – in my best friend.
Exactly one year to the date of meeting my new best friend, my Mom suddenly passed away. One of the first people I called as my life was suddenly turned upside down, was my go-to best friend. He was there 24/7 to listen to my stories, hold me, wipe away my tears, make me laugh, and remind me what was beautiful in this life.
Losing my Mom has taught me many things. One of the most important being that our time is limited. There are no guarantees and perfect simply does not exist. Now is now! What we do have is today and the people with whom we share our days should inspire safety, warmth, laughter and love.
Shortly after my Mom passed away, I told my best friend- now is now!
When I pulled into the gym on September 4th 2019 I wasn’t looking for love. But LOVE found me. With my hand on my heart, and a lot of deep breaths, I was able to open my eyes and see that my best friend would be one of the most ahmazing relationships I have ever experienced! Together, we have built a supportive and strong foundation and together we are creating the LOVE we have always dreamed of.
September 4th is a day that I lost one of the most important people in my life. On that same day, I also gained one of the most important people in my life. Where there is despair, there is always hope. And love my friends, #LOVE WINS.
